Brand New May Not Necessarily Be Quite New
by The Fire Fist
Summary: Sakata Gintoki lost his memory and decided it was an opportunity to start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. All went well until he encountered a certain long-haired man from his past life, Katsura Kotarou. [Takes place in the Memory Loss Arc]
1. Prologue

**Brand New May Not Necessarily Be Quite New**

**Fandom ****:** Gintama

**Pairing** **:** Gintoki/Katsura (GinZura), eventually. Because this pairing deserves more fics.

**Rating** **:** T, just to be safe for later chapters.

**Warning** **:** None, as far as I think.. Oh! Gintama is funny, hilarious and awesome. Unfortunately, this fic is not. I'm sorry.

**Summary** **:** Sakata Gintoki lost his memory and decided it was an opportunity to start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. All went well until he encountered a certain long-haired man from his past life, Katsura Kotarou. [Takes place in the Memory Loss Arc]

**Disclaimer :** This is a work of fanfiction with characters originally created by Sorachi Hideaki for Manga/Anime Gintama. I own no rights to them.

**Author Notes** **:** This story is loosely based on the Memory Loss Arc in Gintama (manga lessons 50-52, anime episodes 31-32), so it would make more sense if you have read or watched that Arc beforehand. Please bear in mind that Gintoki here is the Amnesiac Gintoki, not the usual dead-fish-eyed nose-picking Gintoki we're all familiar with. I hope you enjoy the story.

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

(***)

It had been three days since Gintoki had decided to leave his old life behind and start anew. Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan seemed like some nice kids, but that's precisely why he had decided to leave them. He didn't want to be a burden to them anymore. All the people he had met that day had one way or another said that his old self was pretty much a useless human being, after all. He was sure his former apprentices were happier now that he's no longer around.

As for Gintoki, he had found a job two days ago. There was a factory readily hiring every wandering samurai who needed a job and Gintoki was lucky because they also provided him with a place to stay. He wasn't even sure if he could be categorized into wandering samurai, but they had taken him in anyway. His work started pretty early in the morning and went on until lunch break at noon, and then continued until late in the afternoon. So far, this starting anew thing had been going well.

He was currently having the lunch break period of the day, walking on the streets of Edo looking for a nearby place to eat before he had to go back to work. All the while he wondered about what kind of a man his old self actually was. Was he really that bad? Kagura-chan had said he was a good-for-nothing lazy bum. Shinpachi-kun had told him that his old self did a lot of bad things and never bothered to apologize. His land-lady had said he never paid his rent. Shinpachi-kun's sister had said that he was an overly carefree person.

He figured the old Gintoki really was an awful person, then. Even the purple-haired ninja girl he had met that day had implied that he was some kind of a sadist. Gintoki sighed. He mentally went through his memories to look for more testimonies about his past self from the people he had met that day. Did he miss any? He then remembered about the long-haired man Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan had brought him to meet that day. They had met him in front of some kind of a hostess club, where that man had been trying to invite some customers in. Shinpachi-kun had told Gintoki that his name was Katsura Kotarou, and that he and Gintoki were old friends. That's why Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan had decided he was the first person Gintoki should meet, in hope of bringing his memories back.

What had that long-haired man said about him, again? Gintoki tried to remember. He remembered that man had said Gintoki was his underling or something like that. Gintoki smiled to himself. At least that man hadn't said anything bad about him. But was that true, that Gintoki was his underling? Gintoki could somehow sense some kind of playfulness from that man. Some kind of familiarity, like the two of them did that all the time, fooling around each other. And that was probably true if what Shinpachi-kun said about them being close friends was also true. Probably that's part of the reason why Gintoki had gone along when that man had suggested him to come to the club to forget about his worries. Well, he had _tried_ to go along at least, before Shinpachi-kun had stopped him.

Gintoki smiled and slightly shook his head at the memories. He was snapped out of his thoughts when some neighborhood kids almost ran into him. Only then did he realize that he had been so deep in his thoughts, he had no longer paid attention to where he was going. He looked around him. He didn't recognize the streets nor the buildings, and the tall buildings of the factory where he worked were nowhere in sight. He was lost. He had planned to go looking for a nearby place to eat lunch, but now he didn't even know where he was.

Gintoki looked around him once more, trying to find someone he could ask for directions. He spotted a Buddhist monk sitting at the side of the road not too far ahead of him, and then headed in that direction. As he got closer, he realized that the monk looked so much like the long-haired man he had been thinking about not too long before. Katsura Kotarou. But he could be mistaken because the monk wore a wide-brimmed hat, shading most of his face. Besides, what would that man be doing here, dressed as a monk? Was that really him?

"Um.. Excuse me?" Gintoki tried to get the man's attention.

"It's not excuse me, it's Katsura!" the answer Gintoki got from the man almost sounded automatic and it caught him slightly off guard.

The man looked up at Gintoki and furrowed his delicate eyebrows ever so slightly upon seeing him.

"Gintoki," The tone was calm and flat, so unlike his outburst just a moment before. "What do you want?"

Gintoki smiled at him and scratched his hair slightly, "Ah, so it's really you. Err.. Katsura-san, right?"

"It's not Katsura-san, it's Zura!" he cleared his throat, "Uh, I mean Katsura."

Gintoki just stood there, confused.

The man let out a sigh, taking his wide-brimmed hat off and looking at Gintoki more carefully, almost to the point of making Gintoki felt uncomfortable under his gaze. He then continued, "So it's true, then. You lost your memory."

It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement. Gintoki only nodded, "Yes."

Gintoki watched as the other man sighed again and finally stood up in a cat-like movement, swift yet graceful. He wondered how the man managed to move like that.

"Figured. You would never call me by my proper name otherwise."

(***)

The raven-haired man brought him to a nearby small eatery after Gintoki told him about his predicament of being lost. On the way there, they talked about a few things. Gintoki asked him about why he was suddenly a monk while the last time he saw him he was some kind of a hostess club promoter. The other man told him that he did various kinds of job. It's like a slightly different kind of Gintoki's Yorozuya, that's how the man had put it.

Talking about the Yorozuya, Gintoki had also told the long-haired man about his decision to disband it and start a new life. Gintoki wasn't able to read the man's expression then. He kept his face calm and unreadable, and only responded with a simple "I see." and they spent the rest of the way in silence after that.

Once they arrived at the small eatery, Gintoki ordered a bowl of ramen while his companion ordered some takeaway fishcakes to eat later. He said he couldn't stay long because he had to meet up with Elizabeth somewhere else that afternoon. Gintoki learned that the one Katsura-san called Elizabeth was apparently that white duck-penguin mutant he had seen alongside the black-haired man when they had met three days ago.

"Um, Katsura-san?" Gintoki tried to make a conversation while they're waiting for their orders.

Gintoki noted his companion's facial expression had always been calm, almost stoical, since they met earlier that day. So he was surprised to see a slight grimace in the man's face now.

"All these years I can't even count how many times I've tried to make you call my name properly, Gintoki. You never did. Now that you do, why does it sound so wrong?"

Gintoki laughed awkwardly. "Ah yes, I've been told my old self wasn't very polite. I don't remember what I used to call you, but I imagine it's not a pleasant nickname for you. I'd like to apologize, Katsura-san."

To Gintoki's dismay, Katsura-san's grimace didn't necessarily go away. "And your old self certainly wouldn't apologize for that. Not to me. It sounds even more wrong."

That made Gintoki wondered once again, just how bad was his past self? Before, he had felt a slight hope, remembering how Katsura-san hadn't said anything bad about him when they met three days ago. But now, he found out that Gintoki apparently had called his friend names, and never apologized for it. What kind of person did such awful thing to their own friend? And that also brought back the questions that had been hovering in the back of his mind since earlier that day. Were they really friends? How was their relationship exactly?

"Just rid of the honorific." His companion's words snapped Gintoki back from his reverie.

"Yes?" Gintoki blinked confusedly.

"Just call me Katsura. Rid of the honorific."

"Oh. K-katsura. Katsuu.. ra.." He tried rolling the name on his tongue. He then rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "As I thought, it's awkward. I think I can't do that yet, Katsura-san. I'm still awkward with people." He chuckled.

The long-haired man sighed, "It can't be helped, then. Take your time."

Through the silence that followed, Gintoki gathered the courage to ask the questions he needed answers to. The answers he believed the man sitting close to him now could give him.

"Katsura-san.." he started. "I know I said that I would leave my past and start a new life, but I couldn't help but wonder about what kind of man I was. Shinpachi-kun said you and I were old friends. Is that true? If yes, then I'm sure you'd know me well. What kind of man was Sakata Gintoki, Katsura-san?"

Gintoki watched anxiously as his companion shifted his folded arms just a bit tighter around himself inside of the sleeves of his robe and set his back just a bit straighter. Gintoki wondered how he could maintain that calm and composed demeanor all the time. Gintoki wagered he must have at least grown up in a noble family to have such noble aura. His neat long jet black hair only added to his already dignified nature in Gintoki's eyes.

"It's only natural for a man to want to know about his own past, no matter how far he had gone from it. I'm sure you have a lot of questions in your mind right now, Gintoki. I'm afraid I can't answer all of them now as we don't have the time." Katsura-san finally said. "But I can at least answer one question. Shinpachi-kun was right, you and I have known each other since we were just small children."

Gintoki listened to Katsura-san with so much interest and a slight awe, "We have known each other for that long?"

The black-haired man just nodded.

"And Katsura-san, you said before that I'm your.. subordinate. Is that also true?" Gintoki pressed.

The other man raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side slightly, "Did I say that?"

Gintoki nodded, anticipating the answer.

He certainly didn't expect his companion to chuckle softly and said, "Oh yeah, I remember now. I thought the whole amnesia thing was just something you made up to get away from some responsibilities. That's why I said what I said. And that's why I invited you to come to the club to forget your worries. Because knowing you, you would much prefer to forget your responsibilities than to actually do them." Katsura-san shook his head, still smiling. "No, you're not my subordinate. I won't go into details now, but if anything, we're comrades. We did fight a war together in the past."

Gintoki gasped, "A war? We did?"

"Yes. But let's not talk about it now. Whether you want your memory back or not, let me assure you that the memory about the war is not the first thing you would want to remember."

Gintoki could see a small frown marring the man's feature when he said that, and Gintoki immediately knew he shouldn't press about it any further for now.

"So why did you do that, Katsura-san? Lying about me being your underling." Gintoki asked instead.

Gintoki was glad to see the frown on the long-haired man's face disappear and was replaced with a smile of amusement instead.

"You wouldn't understand it now, but that's just what the old Gintoki and I used to do to each other." His voice was full of amusement. And then he shook his head, "I'm not supposed to talk about you like you're not even here, so let me rephrase that. Well, it's just the way the past you and I act around each other. No misleading or harm intended. Just now I realize, now that you're no longer how you were, what I said may actually hurt your feelings, so I apologize."

"Oh no, Katsura-san! You don't need to apologize. I was just wondering." Gintoki answered quickly. "Besides, I've heard much worse that day.."

The other man looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Gintoki rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, "After I met you that day, I met other people too, and they all said I was basically a good-for-nothing rascal in the past."

The long-haired man stared at Gintoki for a long moment, as if he was deliberating about what to say, before finally saying, "Well, that may be true. But like I said before, your current self probably wouldn't understand it, but your old self would know they didn't actually mean to hurt your feelings by saying those things, Gintoki. That's just how your relationship was with people."

Gintoki stared back at the man's emerald orbs for a few moments, and then finally smiled and said, "Thank you, Katsura-san."

Gintoki wasn't sure if Katsura-san said those words because they're actually the truth or only because the man merely tried to make Gintoki feel better about himself. But Gintoki _did_ feel better about himself, so he supposed he should be thankful.

Their orders arrived a few moments later, and Katsura-san took his takeaway before excusing himself.

"Alright then, I've got to go, Gintoki. Will you be fine?" he furrowed his eyebrows slightly and Gintoki could easily mistake that for worries. Gintoki probably just saw things, but that didn't stop the warmth he felt in his heart, which was silly.

"I'll be fine." He smiled. "I'll ask the shop owner for directions to my work place. I won't get lost again. Thank you for everything today, Katsura-san."

The man nodded, "I'll be on my way then."

Gintoki was hungry, and there was a fresh bowl of hot ramen in front of him, wafting delicious smell to his nostrils, tempting and waiting for him to devour it. But all of that was temporarily forgotten as his eyes trailed after the retreating figure of the man who he had just learned was actually his childhood friend and comrade. The man walked briskly, with precise movements, and Gintoki wondered once again how he could manage to look graceful while doing so. Gintoki suddenly wished he could ask his old self whether the long-haired man also fought battles in such manners; swift, precise, and graceful. He just couldn't help but wondered. Apparently they had fought a certain war together in the past, after all. His old self would certainly know.

Through the window, Gintoki watched on as Katsura-san suddenly stopped in his track not too far away from the eatery Gintoki was in. He wondered what had suddenly stopped the man. After a moment, he saw his childhood friend then walked very slowly to the side of the road and finally squatted down. Gintoki squinted and leaned closer to the window to look at the scene more closely as the other man reached out his hand to something small, white, and fluffy…

"Wait, is that a kitten..?" Gintoki wondered aloud.

The other man actually stopped and squatted down to pet a small kitten! What was going on here? Gintoki raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth slightly as he watched how the man gently stroked the kitten's head, down to its neck, and further down to its back. The wide-brimmed hat did nothing to hide the bright smile which was obviously painted on his childhood friend's face, and Gintoki could swear he actually saw some shade of pink on the pale smooth cheeks even through such distance.

From the previous encounter with the man that day, Gintoki had the impression that Katsura-san was a calm, composed, and serious man. The man even almost struck him as gloomy. So Gintoki found what he was currently witnessing hard to believe.

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows as Katsura-san took out a bundle of something which Gintoki recognized as the takeaway fishcakes that he just bought earlier. The man then carefully put one layer of the food wrappers on the ground in front of the small kitten and then put most of the food on top of it, leaving only a small amount for himself. He stroked the kitten's head once more before standing up and continued walking.

In that moment, after watching how his childhood friend had petted and fed the small animal, Gintoki felt like there were suddenly tons of small kittens literally filling up his heart, making it warm and fuzzy.

Gintoki kept on staring at the long-haired man until the man made a turn and disappeared from his sight. He then heaved a long sigh. He was baffled. Three days ago, when they had met for the first time after Gintoki lost his memory, Katsura-san had seemed like a playful person, almost comically so. Today, the man had showed his calm and serious side, almost completely the opposite. And then the whole affair with the small kitten happened… The man was an enigma.

Gintoki surprised himself when he found himself wanting to know more about that man.

Three days ago, he had been resolved to leave his past behind and start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. Right now, as he finally started slurping on the thankfully still warm ramen, he pondered whether he should take a chance on having this man from his past, Katsura Kotarou, as a part of his new life, again.

Would it be a good idea to continue their friendship? Well, given Gintoki's current circumstances, the more appropriate question would be: Would it be a good idea to try _restarting_ their friendship all over again? The fact that they had been friends since their childhood and had been able to maintain their friendship until way into their adulthood must mean each of them had certain qualities which complemented each other and bonded the two of them throughout all those times. The problem was, Gintoki was pretty much a different person now. Would their relationship still work out now that he might have lost those certain qualities he used to have?

Gintoki sighed again, and then he looked out the window. He watched as the small kitten happily ate the fishcakes generously given by the raven-haired man earlier, and Gintoki smiled. He supposed it might not be a bad idea to at least try.

(***)

* * *

**Author Notes:**

I realize I've still got a lot to learn when it comes to writing, so I would appreciate your feedback.

It's my first published fic. If you'd like, let me know whether I should continue posting the rest of this story or just continue polishing my writing skills first before posting anything to the web, after all.

Anyway, thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 1

.

**CHAPTER I**

(***)

After his encounter with Katsura-san yesterday, Gintoki had failed to return to the factory on time, resulting in him getting a stern warning from his manager. Well, he was a new employee after all. He's supposed to be working really hard and be really disciplined. Breaking any rule one more time, and he would surely get fired. And Gintoki certainly couldn't afford getting fired. Not now, considering his current circumstances.

The place where he had eaten his lunch yesterday (Gintoki had learned that the place's owner was a middle-aged man with kind and smiling eyes named Ishikawa-san) turned out to be quite a distance away from the factory. Going to that place again during the short lunch break periods was out of the question. He would be late again, and going back late would mean him getting fired. So his only options were either having his lunch at a nearby place only one or two buildings away from the factory, or he could prepare a lunch box to just eat inside his work place.

That's why, Gintoki thought, no matter how much he wanted to see Katsu..- uh, he meant, no matter how much he wanted to eat the delicious ramen from Ishikawa-san's eatery again, he couldn't afford to go back there again during his lunch breaks.

Yes, Gintoki really thought the ramen was delicious..

Yeah, right. He mentally laughed to himself. Well, okay, he admitted that the ramen was not his main concern. He actually wanted to see the raven-haired enigma who had been plaguing his mind ever since their encounter yesterday. There were tons of things he really wanted to talk about with the other man.

Their encounter had brought a new light to Gintoki's perception about his past life. Before, because of people's not-so-nice descriptions about his past self, he had almost felt revolted with himself. Why would he want to continue living such an awful life as such an awful person? His decision to throw that life away had been so easy. At that time, it had seemed like the wisest and the most reasonable decision for him to make, both for himself and the people around him. He had even completely lost any interest in wanting his memory back, or in wanting to know more about his identity.

However, Katsura-san's words had made him reconsider everything. The long-haired man had not expressly opposed the notion that Gintoki had been a good-for-nothing rascal in the past, but he had not confirmed it either. And what intrigued Gintoki the most was how the other man had implied that Gintoki's relationship with the people around him might not be as simple as how he had thought it was. That's why, Katsura-san had suggested, Gintoki shouldn't feel offended by their spiteful sounding comments.

And that made Gintoki think, and hope, that maybe, just maybe, there was actually more to himself than just a useless human failure everyone had seemed to detest.

After Katsura-san had left him yesterday, Gintoki had belatedly realized, regrettably so, that he hadn't got the chance to ask the other man about where he lived, or at least where Gintoki would be able to find him if he wanted to see him again. That's why, right now, his best bet would be to go to where they had met yesterday, hoping he would find the long-haired man again there.

Gintoki realized the possibility of him meeting the other man at that place again was small. Katsura-san had said that he did various kinds of jobs after all, so it's not like the man would be doing the same thing at the same place every single day. Now that he couldn't even try finding the other man during his lunch breaks, Gintoki ruefully realized that the already small possibility became even smaller now, because God knows where the other man might be at other times of the day.

He could only hope that the fate would be kind enough to allow him to meet the man again, somehow. He really hoped so.

(***)

The sun was still a good distance away from the horizon when Gintoki walked on the streets of Edo that late afternoon. He had got off of his work for the day, freshly showered and dressed in a freshly washed clothes, walking on the same path he had walked on just a day before, hoping to meet a certain raven-haired man along the way.

Gintoki could feel his hope started diminishing when he didn't see a certain monk with silky long hair at the place he had spotted him yesterday. And as the sun finally set, the sky grew darker, and he still didn't see any sign of the other man's presence, Gintoki still held on to the possibility that Katsura-san might suddenly show up to have a late diner at Ishikawa-san's eatery. So Gintoki waited there, eating his diner slowly, too slowly, with heart skipping a beat every time he saw someone entering the small eatery. But none of those people was a man with silky long black hair and brownish emerald eyes whom Gintoki was hoping to see.

By the time Gintoki walked slowly back home that night, empty-handed and heavy-hearted; Ishikawa-san's small eatery, along with most of other shops in that part of Edo, had long closed for the night.

(***)

The next day, Gintoki remembered about one other place where he could go to try finding Katsura-san. The hostess club. That's where Gintoki had met him for the first time after all. Gintoki mentally berated himself for not remembering about it yesterday. How had it slipped his mind? Well, Gintoki figured it might be because that particular day, only several days ago in reality, had seemed so far away now after everything that happened.

Gintoki decided to look for Katsura-san around that place today. He remembered the place wasn't too far from where he used to live, in a district called Kabukicho. Apparently, the district was where entertainment establishments were concentrated in Edo. Gintoki didn't remember the exact location of the club, but at least he remembered the name of the district. He would start from there.

As he entered the district that late afternoon, Gintoki raked his brain, trying to remember the name of the nightclub. He only managed to remember he had seen the word "Samurai" on the club's sign. He believed there was other word preceding it, but unfortunately he couldn't for the life of him remember what it was. So Gintoki timidly asked around for directions to every clubs which had the word "Samurai" in their name, earning him some knowing smirks as well as some odd looks from the people nearby; the formers were from male bystanders, while he got the laters from the female ones, especially the middle-aged ones. Gintoki just smiled awkwardly at them.

There were also people who apparently recognized who he was. Gintoki explained to them that he had lost his memory and apologized because he didn't remember who they were, while bowing slightly. And that, to Gintoki's dismay, earned him even more odd looks from them, both men and women alike this time. Gintoki just politely excused himself from them.

Some of those people wouldn't believe he had amnesia, accusing him of making it up to avoid having to pay his debts to them. It took him quite a long time to assure them that he wasn't lying and that he would pay his debts once he got the amount of money needed. Considering his current job, Gintoki realized it wouldn't be anytime soon, unfortunately.

Gintoki heaved a long sigh. He honestly felt it wasn't fair, like he had to be responsible for something that somebody else had done, had to pay for somebody else's debts, was being blamed for something he didn't even do. Well, something that he didn't _remember_ doing, to be exact. However, deep down, Gintoki dejectedly realized that it didn't matter whether he remembered or not, _he_ had done those things, so _he_ had to take the responsibility. That made him realize how foolish and selfish he had been. Starting a new life was not as simple as he had thought it would be. How foolish he had been, thinking he could just simply walk away from his old life, leaving his responsibilities behind. How selfish.

His decision to start a new life might consequently cut his ties with the people he used to know, but Gintoki wouldn't let his debts to those people left unpaid. His conscience wouldn't allow him.

"Gintoki."

Suddenly there was a silky smooth voice calling his name from behind, bringing him back from his reverie, and Gintoki quickly spun around and his eyes immediately caught an equally silky smooth long black hair.

"Katsura-san!"

Gintoki realized a split second later that he was grinning like a maniac and that he was shouting the other man's name probably a little bit too excitedly. _"I had been looking all over for you!" _That's what he wanted to add, but Gintoki thought his over-excitement might scare the other man off, or at least confused him, so Gintoki tried reducing his grin to a smile and changing his tone to a more neutral one instead.

"Katsura-san." he repeated.

The raven-haired man furrowed his eyebrows slightly, "Are you alright?"

His over-excitement really weirded the other man out then, Gintoki thought. He mentally scolded himself.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" he tried keeping his smile unwavering.

"I've been calling you several times before you finally responded." Katsura-san finally said. "And you were walking straight into that fruit stall." he gestured towards something behind Gintoki.

Gintoki looked behind him and indeed there was a fruit stall merely a couple of steps away from him. Had he not stopped because of Katsura-san, he would've run straight into that fruit stall.

"Uh.." he tried to explain how he was so deep in thought he hadn't even heard someone calling his name nor seen something right in front of him. Gintoki inwardly told himself he should stop having reveries in the middle of the road.

"And just now I heard people talking about a certain perm-haired young man asking for directions to _all_ Samurai cabarets available in this area." The long-haired man continued, arching his eyebrow ever so slightly.

Gintoki's eyes widened at that. He flushed and sputtered, "T-that's.. No, I.."

He helplessly watched as Katsura-san sighed and shook his head slightly.

"Gintoki, I understand you must have a lot of things going through your mind right now, a lot of things that confuse you. You're so clouded with thoughts, you're not even able to pay attention to your surroundings anymore."

Gintoki saw something in Katsura-san's expression which he could only define as concern. Concern for him. So Gintoki stayed silent. He didn't have anything to argue anyway. What Katsura-san said was right.

"However," The raven-head continued. "Indulging yourself in superfluous delectations, such as women and other entertainments in cabarets, is not a wise solution. It would weaken your body, spirit, and willpower." The man looked grave. "It may still be okay if you want to go to one to forget your worries for a while, but I believe it is unnecessary to go to all cabaret clubs you can find."

Well, that part was _not_ right.

"No, Katsura-san! Please don't misunderstand." Gintoki chuckled frantically. "I was, uh.." he paused, debating whether he should tell the man about the real reason why he was looking for those clubs. The safest option would be to lie, because he didn't want Katsura-san to think that he's being.. well, clingy. He was still not sure whether the other man even still wanted to have anything to do with Gintoki. Well, he could even say the Gintoki now was no longer the Gintoki Katsura-san had been friends with since childhood, after all. "I was just asked to check those clubs." he finally said.

The other man just stood there, staring at Gintoki, as if urging him to elaborate.

"My friends from where I work asked me to do that. We're planning to visit a nightclub together this weekend, and they asked me to look for the most appropriate place for us. So I plan to check all of the clubs in this area if possible." Gintoki lied.

Katsura-san then nodded slowly, looking at Gintoki carefully. "I see."

Gintoki suddenly had a feeling that the other man could actually see right through his lie. But he immediately shook that feeling away almost as soon as it came.

"Kind of unwise of them, don't you think?" Katsura-san continued after a few moments.

"Unwise?" Gintoki blinked.

"Yes. Unwise and insensible." The slightly smaller man started. "I wouldn't ask an amnesiac such as yourself to scout for cabaret clubs, if I were them. I would ask someone who's familiar with this area instead. " He frowned. "Or are they not aware of your situation, Gintoki?"

"Oh," Gintoki answered. "They _do_ know. But I'm the new guy, after all. The _kouhai_. I'm the one who's supposed to do that kind of work."

Gintoki inwardly grimaced at how good he was at lying and making excuses.

His companion just nodded, and Gintoki observed the man more properly during the silence that followed. Katsura-san wasn't dressed like a monk today. He wore a really neat blue kimono with a yellow sash around his slim waist. It wasn't particularly a cold day today, but the man wore a really pale blue, it almost looked white, _haori_ on top of his kimono and there were white socks and slippers adorning his feet. The man had his forearms wrapped on his torso, inside the sleeves of his _haori_. So Gintoki found out today, not only did the man behave with proper manners, he also dressed with such mannerism.

Also, Gintoki couldn't help but notice the man's hair. The last time he had seen Katsura-san, the man had had his hair tied near the end in complement to his monk getup. But now, the man let his silky long _long_ black hair down. The jet black color contrasted nicely with his pale blue _haori_, and Gintoki couldn't help but stare.

"You look nice.."

When Gintoki saw the other man blinked and then slightly narrowed his brownish emerald eyes in confusion, he belatedly realized that he had just unconsciously said that out loud instead of just inwardly.

"Ah, I mean.. I mean you dress so well!" Gintoki made some awkward gestures towards the other man's clothes. "That's a really nice kimono.. and a nice _haori_.. and.. well-"

"Hold on-" the raven-haired man cut Gintoki's rambling, eyes widened slightly, not quite in panic, as his calm composure still remained. "What do you call this, again?" he grabbed his own _haori_.

"That's.. your _haori_.. right?" Gintoki was confused, but he answered nonetheless.

"And this?" the other man grabbed his own kimono now.

"That's your kimono."

Gintoki didn't know why the other man was suddenly so interested in asking him about his own garments.

"What's the color of your favorite kimono, Gintoki?" The dark-haired man asked again.

Gintoki unconsciously looked down at the grayish white kimono he was currently wearing.

"No, not that one." Katsura-san quickly said. "The one you used to wear all the time."

Gintoki looked up and realized he didn't know which kimono the other man was referring to.

"I..," Gintoki started. "I don't know.. I mean, I don't remember.."

"I see." The long-haired man held his gaze for a few moments, "What's the difference between ramen and soba?"

Gintoki still didn't know why he was being quizzed like that, but he answered anyway, "Uh.. Soba noodles are made of buckwheat, while ramen noodles are made of.. well, wheat? I think?"

"Which one do I prefer more among the two? Do you know?" The other man pressed.

Gintoki genuinely felt bad for not knowing the answer, like the other man might actually get upset if he didn't know his food preference. "I.. don't know."

He felt relieved when he saw the raven-haired man only nodded, maintaining his calm features, with no signs of anger whatsoever.

"Do you know what a shogun is?" was Katsura-san's next question.

Gintoki nodded in response.

"Do you.." The slightly smaller man hesitated, "Do you know the name of the Shogun who made our Sensei get-" he cut his own speech, eyes flickered away from Gintoki for a brief moment before going back to look at him carefully. "Do you know the name of the Shogun when the amanto first invaded our country?" he finally asked instead.

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, "I don't."

Katsura-san didn't say anything then. Upon hearing Gintoki's answer, he looked at the ground, eyes furrowed as if he was so deep in thought.

"Um, Katsura-san?" Gintoki started carefully. "Why did you ask me those questions?"

No response.

"You mentioned about our Sensei..?" Gintoki tried again. "What-"

"It's selective then.." The other man mumbled almost inaudibly, still looking so deep in thought.

"Katsura-san?" Gintoki tried calling him again, louder this time.

"Your amnesia." The other man finally looked at Gintoki. "The nature of your memory lost is selective then."

Gintoki didn't say anything in response, silently urging the long-haired man to continue. He started to understand where Katsura-san's previous questioning was heading.

"You still remember all common knowledge that you've learned throughout your life. The name of each of our clothing pieces, the differences between certain foods, the governmental system of our country.. Those are knowledge you learned and stored in your memory. You didn't lose those." The raven-haired man went on. "But you lost only certain memories.. You lost all memories which can be associated with yourself, apparently. Memories about your identity.. Memories about the people related to you.."

His companion's words made Gintoki realize that up until that moment, he had been too busy being upset about what he knew of his past self, too busy thinking about starting his life anew. His mind had been so preoccupied by those things, he had never bothered to actually look into the root of his predicament: his amnesia.

Katsura-san was right. Gintoki didn't have any problem doing his everyday activities. He knew how to take a bath, down to how he should move his hands to scrub the grime off his back. He knew how to wear his clothes properly. He knew that Japan's currency was Yen, along with other common knowledge like that. He had to have learned those skills and knowledge at some point in his life, and those acquired skills and knowledge had to have been stored in his memories for him to access whenever he needed to. Those memories were still intact, still accessible. The memories associated with himself, on the other hand.. He couldn't for the life of him access them, not even a fragment.

"I believe it is called Dissociative Amnesia. Or could it be.. that you're in a Fugue state?" The raven-haired man then looked at Gintoki curiously, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed. "Come to think of it, you haven't told me what exactly happened right before you lost your memory, Gintoki."

"I don't remember, but I was told that I had a head injury from a traffic accident I was involved in." Gintoki answered. "Katsura-san, what is a Fugue state?"

Gintoki believed it was not exactly a common knowledge. Well, at least he was sure he was not the only one who didn't know what that was.

"When a person is in a Fugue state, they don't remember or are confused about their own identity. They tend to detach away from their familiar surroundings in order to find a new identity."

Well, Gintoki thought, that sounded a lot like a state he was in now, indeed.

"But the cause is commonly psychological, instead of physical circumstances such as yours seems to be, though.." the slightly smaller man added absentmindedly, looking deep in thought.

"I see." Gintoki nodded. "You're really knowledgeable, Katsura-san." He smiled.

Gintoki saw the other man looked as if he was snapped out of his thought by Gintoki's remark, and Gintoki watched on as the man flickered his eyes to the side briefly before saying "I, uh.. I heard about it before. From someone. Yes, I did." The man looked as if he was trying to convince himself instead of Gintoki. And then the man suddenly changed the subject. "Um, by the way Gintoki, did you see Elizabeth around here?"

"Elizabeth-" It took Gintoki a moment to remember who the other man was referring to. "Oh, Elizabeth-san? No, I didn't. Why?"

"I asked him to buy some shampoo to the convenience store this afternoon, but he still hasn't come back even though it's been hours since then, so I went looking for hi-"

"KATSURAAAA!"

Gintoki's mind barely registered the shout as he saw Katsura-san forcefully launch his body towards him all of a sudden. Their bodies collided and the impact made the both of them fall to ground. He felt his body being pulled by the other man, causing the two of them to roll on the ground several times, away from their previous position. And then a split second later, he suddenly heard a really loud explosion from somewhere near him.

Their bodies finally stopped rolling, with Gintoki flat on his back. It all happened so fast Gintoki didn't even have the time to properly comprehend what was going on as he felt the other man's body on top of him. And among the _"Did someone just shout Katsura-san's name?"_, _"What the hell is going on?!"_, and _"What was that loud sound just now?"_ which were frantically going through Gintoki's mind, there was also _"Katsura-san looks slim and delicate, but his body actually feels firm and solid against mine.."_ floating about.

"Tch, didn't they see that there are innocent citizens around?" Gintoki heard the other man remark with slight pants above him. "Got to go. Later, Gintoki."

"Wha- Katsura-san, wait!"

But the other man had already got off of Gintoki and was sprinting away. Gintoki quickly looked around confusedly and was shocked to see the fruit stall from before had turned into smithereens now. So Gintoki figured the loud explosion he had heard was actually the sound of the fruit stall being blown to pieces. Who on earth had done this? If Katsura-san hadn't thrown their bodies away, the both of them would've got blown to pieces too!

That was when he saw two men dressed in dark-colored uniforms running to the direction where Katsura-san had gone to, pursuing the long-haired man. One of them was taller, with dark hair, while the shorter of the two had light brown hair. Gintoki then noticed that the later was carrying a bazooka, and concluded that the man was the one who had blown the fruit stall.

"Don't run away, Katsura! You're under arrest!" The taller pursuer shouted.

Under arrest? Gintoki quickly got up from his previous position on the ground. They're trying to arrest Katsura-san? From the speech, Gintoki supposed they were probably police officers. He sprinted after them as fast as he can. Gintoki was sure there had to be some kind of misunderstanding. Katsura-san was _not_ a criminal.

"Wait!" He shouted, but they didn't seem to hear him. "Please wait!"

Gintoki watched as his childhood friend and the two men made a turn and disappeared from his sight. He kept on running, trying to catch up to them. A few moments later, Gintoki's eyes widened in panic when he heard some shouts, followed by another loud explosion.

Gintoki forced his legs to run faster to the direction of the sound, desperately hoping that the light brown-haired man had actually missed his target.

(***)

* * *

**Author Notes:**

_*) To those of you who haven't known already, Dissociative Amnesia and Fugue State are real phenomena in real life, I didn't make those up._

Thank you so much to all of you who have bothered to read, and then generously take the time to review, favorite, and follow my writing, and/or send positive messages about it. They mean a lot especially to a writer with a small audience, in small fandoms or ships, such as myself. They really motivate me to continue writing.

Even though I couldn't reply to every single one of you, please know that you are very much appreciated. :)


	3. Chapter 2

.

**CHAPTER II**

(***)

Katsura-san was not a weakling. He had survived a war before. Katsura-san was a really capable man. Capable, and swift too. Just now, the man had been able to get both himself and Gintoki out of the way when they're about to be blown to pieces by a bazooka shot. And he had done that even before Gintoki had been able to comprehend any shot coming their way. Yes, Katsura-san's fine.

Gintoki kept repeating those words over and over in his head as he dashed through the streets of Kabukicho, in the direction where Katsura-san and his two chasers had gone to. Entering the street where the explosion sound had come from, Gintoki immediately saw thick black smoke coming from a building in a distance. As he ran closer, he spotted the two men in dark uniforms among the crowd of people who gathered around the building. His childhood friend was nowhere in sight.

"Katsura-san!" Gintoki called out while shoving people out of the way. "Katsura-san!"

He tried to calm his raging heart and breath as his eyes frantically searched for his childhood friend among the debris, all the while hoping he wouldn't find the man lying dead somewhere. He felt a slight relief when he didn't see any dead body there, but he still continued searching for the long-haired man among the crowd of people. When he still couldn't find the man among the people, he rushed to the two pursuers in the black uniforms.

"Let's go, Sougo. You've got loads of paper works to do. You just blew up two properties. _Two_. You better write a nice explanation for that." Gintoki heard the taller one grumbled. "Now that Kondou-san is missing, I'm the one who's got to face the people on top, you know? What a pain.. Unlike him, I'm not gonna cover up for you."

"_Heh_, Hijikata-san.." The shorter one replied, looking and sounding bored despite all that had happened. "I've always known you're not competent for your position. The one who should be on Kondou-san's side as the Vice Commander has always been me after all. If you're too scared to talk to our superiors, why don't you just resign? I'll gladly take your position."

"Like hell I'm scared of-"

"Where is he?" Gintoki panted, interrupting their banter.

The taller one of the two was about Gintoki's height. He had thought that the man had short black hair, but upon seeing him up close, Gintoki could actually see dark green tint on the man's dark hair. The V-shaped bangs covering his forehead were hard to ignore. Another thing which was really noticeable was the cigarette hanging on the man's lips. The man had sharp eyes with thin eyebrows, and he arched said eyebrow as he looked at Gintoki.

"Yorozuya?" The voice was rich and deep. "What are you doing here?"

Gintoki didn't miss the use of the nickname nor did he miss the conclusion that the other man had to have been one of his acquaintances in the past for using that nickname on him, but he pushed all of that aside as he pressed on, "Where is Katsura-san?!"

"Katsura?" It was the shorter one who answered this time. "We'd like to know that ourselves, _Danna_. I tried to shoot him, but he's nowhere to be found after that."

The light brown-haired man had to be merely a teenager, Gintoki supposed. His face looked young and innocent with big round eyes. However, the huge bazooka hoisted on his shoulder made the young man looked anything but innocent.

Gintoki turned to the teenager, grabbing the front of the man's uniform with his fist, "You could've killed him! Why did you do that? You could've killed him!"

"Now, now, _Danna_.. Calm down." The young man deadpanned, not the slightest bit looking like he was intimidated by Gintoki. "If he could be easily killed by something like that, he would've been dead at least a hundred times by now."

As Gintoki released his grip, the young man continued, "Anyway _Danna_, what is it? What gets you so upset?"

Gintoki noticed how the teen kept calling him _Danna_ and wondered about how the young man was related to Gintoki. Had he been one of Yorozuya's customers in the past?

"I lost my memory." Gintoki finally told the other man, not quite calmed down just yet.

"What?" The bored expression on the teen's face didn't change.

"You seem to know me, but I don't remember who you are." Gintoki explained quickly. "I lost my memory in an accident not too long ago."

"Amnesia?" The teen raised his eyebrows, "Stop joking, _Danna_.. It's me, Okita Sougo, you know? You don't remember me?"

Gintoki shook his head.

The brown-haired teen then pointed his finger at his dark-haired partner's face. "And this is Hijikata-san, Hijikata Toushirou, our _incompetent_ Demonic Vice Commander." He emphasized the word 'incompetent' so blatantly. "Well, the Vice Commander position will soon be mine actually, once I've killed him."

"Do you want me to kill you first?" The Hijikata guy muttered under his breath, swatting the pointing finger away from his face. If he was angered by the teen's seemingly outrageous words about him, the man didn't show it. Gintoki briefly wondered if the man was already used to hearing that kind of words coming from the teen.

The Okita guy ignored the remark and continued, "So? Ring any bell, _Danna_?"

"No, I don't remember any of you." Gintoki answered impatiently. "More importantly, aren't you two police officers?" He raised his voice. "Are you supposed to walk around with a goddamn bazooka and shoot any citizens and buildings on your way?!"

"Katsura is _not_ just 'any citizen'." It was Hijikata who talked now.

The man then leaned closer, eyeing Gintoki closely with his sharp eyes, making him feel uneasy. "Yorozuya.. Are you really having an amnesia? You better not be playing some tricks on us. We've spotted you alongside Katsura in one too many occasions before, so we've been suspecting you for a while now." The man paused to puff the smoke of his cigarette, making Gintoki cringe, before continuing, "Or is it true, then? You _do_ have some association with Katsura and his faction? Is that why you were so upset with us for trying to shoot him?"

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows. What was the man on about? Faction? What faction? And what did he mean Katsura-san was not just 'any citizen'?

"How are you two related exactly, huh, Yorozuya?" the so-called Demonic Vice Commander pressed on.

"I-.." Gintoki started, not sure how to properly answer the question. In fact, he wanted to know the exact answer himself. "We're-"

Gintoki's words were interrupted by yet another explosion sound. He ducked on reflex and briefly wondered just how many more explosions he was going to witness that day. Was it always like this around Kabukicho? He heard the panicked noises of the people around him while his eyes immediately darted to where the teenage police officer was. Did the guy randomly shoot with his bazooka again? He was surprised to find that the Okita guy didn't seem to be the culprit this time. Both police officers looked caught off guard by the explosion themselves.

The explosion seemed to have come from about five buildings away, if the rising smoke Gintoki saw was any indication. He heard the Vice Commander muttered a quick "Katsura." before the man and his partner rushed in that direction. Gintoki quickly straightened up and tried to follow suit. What was it now? Did someone else try to blow Katsura-san with a bazooka again? Who was it this time? What the hell's going on here?!

He found it rather difficult to run through the crowd around him, who were in a state of panic and confusion. Gintoki was trying to push some people out of the way when he felt someone grabbed his arm and dragged him to a nearby alley. He was about to struggle when he finally recognized who that someone actually was.

"Katsura-san!" he exclaimed.

"Sshh..!" The long-haired man responded. "Be quiet, Gintoki."

The other man looked alert as Gintoki watched how his eyes darted to where the crowd of people still gathered on the street. Gintoki then briefly observed the man from head to toe and noticed some dust on his otherwise-always-neat hair and kimono, but other than that, the man seemed to be fine.

"Thank God you're alive.." He said in relief.

Katsura-san then directed his gaze on him, looking confused. "Of course I am."

"But you were shot with a bazooka!" Gintoki tried not to scream.

He then watched the other man's confused expression turned into a smirk and wondered whether this was the first time he ever witnessed such expression on the samurai's face.

"I would never let myself be outfought by those clowns." Katsura-san simply said.

The man looked almost.. smug. But it only lasted for a split second because he then resumed his alertness and looked straight into Gintoki's eyes.

"Gintoki, I want you to listen to me."

He felt the other man's grip on his arm tightened and Gintoki nodded in response, silently urging the other man to go on.

"If they ever ask again, tell them you don't know me. Just tell them you don't remember, if you must. You being an amnesiac now is rather convenient for this matter." Katsura-san finally said.

Gintoki had to admit that he hadn't expected the other man would tell him to do that, of all things. He furrowed his eyebrows and replied, "But why?"

Katsura-san shifted his gaze to the street again. "That bomb won't distract them for too long, I don't have time to explain, but-"

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows some more. "Wait. Are you saying that the explosion just now is your doing?!" He asked incredulously.

"Well, yes!" The other man answered impatiently. "We don't have the time to talk. Just go away from here for now, and remember what I told you. Don't ever tell them that you associate with me in any way."

The long-haired man then turned to leave, but Gintoki quickly grabbed his arm.

"Who exactly are you?" He looked at the other man straight in the eyes and pressed on, "Why did they-? Tell me what this is all about, Katsura-san."

As he waited the other man to reply, his mind was flooded with possibilities of what the answer might be. After a moment of silence in which Gintoki gripped the other man's arm probably just a little bit too tightly, he watched as the man finally sighed.

"I'll take Elizabeth for a walk to the town park tomorrow afternoon." He told Gintoki. "Meet me there. I'll explain everything then. I really need to go, now. And so do you."

Gintoki's grip lingered for a few moments of hesitation.

"I can trust you, right?"

Gintoki asked, because for all he knew, it could be just a bluff in an attempt to make him stop asking questions.

"Of course."

That was all Katsura-san said in response, as if it was the most obvious knowledge the both of them should clearly understand.

Gintoki then released his grip and the dark-haired man gave him a brief nod in farewell before promptly escaping away from there.

For a few moments after the man was no longer in sight, Gintoki was left wondering why Katsura-san's simple words were able to assure him somehow, before he remembered that he needed to make his own escape too, and finally did so.

(***)

* * *

**Author Notes:**

As always, thank you so much to everyone of you who reviews, follows, and favorites my writing (you know who you are).  
You are very much appreciated.


	4. Chapter 3

.

**CHAPTER III**

(***)

The town park was quite lively that late afternoon. Not too crowded, but definitely not too quiet either. There were children playing on the playground. The sounds of their whines and giggles adding to the surrounding ambience could be heard clearly from where Gintoki was sitting on one of the park benches. Looking to his right, he saw a group of teenage boys hanging out a few distance away. Gintoki could hear their cat calls every now and then, every time there were cute girls happened to be jogging past them. There were also some senior citizens, occupying some of the other benches around Gintoki, reading newspapers, or just idly chatting with each other. It was a pleasant and peaceful afternoon.

It's unfortunate that Gintoki didn't have such level of peacefulness on his mind right now. He had been fidgety ever since he arrived there almost half an hour ago. Actually he had been restless all day, he hadn't even been able to concentrate on his work at the factory earlier that day. He couldn't get his mind off the event that had happened yesterday. What kind of explanation would Katsura-san give him about that? The two men who had pursued the man yesterday, they were from the police, right? Why was his childhood friend wanted by the authorities? No matter how hard Gintoki tried to come up with an explanation, he kept coming back to the conclusion that Katsura-san must be some kind of a wanted criminal.

So, the man was a criminal? No, Katsura-san didn't have any sort of bad guy vibe about him. If anything, the man had been really nice to Gintoki. The nicest person he had ever met. Well, the nicest person he had ever met since the day he had lost his memories, at least. And well yeah, okay, his boss was really nice too, for giving him a job and all. But anyway, he couldn't imagine the same man who had happily shared his snack with some random stray cat was capable of doing any major crime worthy of being pursued by some police officers with a bazooka in tow.

Gintoki heaved a long sigh. But then again, Katsura-san had admitted that he had been the one who had caused the second explosion yesterday. But how? Gintoki hadn't seen the man carrying a bazooka like that teenage cop yesterday. Had the man carried bombs around with him? What kind of person would carry bombs around?

Gintoki shook his head fiercely. No, no, no, no, he was just thinking too far... Wasn't he?

What bothered him the most was how Katsura-san had insisted Gintoki should deny any association with him if the police ever ask him about it again. Why didn't his childhood friend want the police to know about their relationship? They had even run away separately because the other man had insisted the two of them should not be seen together.

And there's also a possibility that Katsura-san had lied to him. If he had allowed himself to think clearly, it might not be too difficult to find common sense. The two pursuers from yesterday were police officers, after all. In cases like this, the police officers had to be the good guys, right? Police fight crimes. Police arrest murderers and crooks. Police pursue criminals...

He roughly threaded his fingers through his unruly hair. Damn it, why had he trusted the long-haired man so easily, again? For all Gintoki knew, the man could be a cold-blooded serial killer. And the man would never come to this park to meet Gintoki just like he had promised yesterday. What if the man was out murdering his next victim right at this moment, while Gintoki obediently sat there patiently waiting for him like an idio-...

"Hey, _Oniichan_..."

Gintoki felt a tug on his kimono sleeve and looked down to see a little girl looking up at him with big round eyes, furrowing her eyebrows slightly. She was probably about five or six years old, Gintoki guessed.

He blinked, mentally clearing his mind from his previous negative thoughts, and smiled down at her, "Yes?"

"Are you okay?" the little girl tilted her head slightly, looking cautious. "You've been acting weird..."

"W-weird...?" Oh, shoot. Gintoki couldn't even remember what exactly he had been doing up until the little girl had come up to him.

"Y-you shook your head over and over, and then you sighed loudly, and then you gripped your hair... Does your head hurt?"

Ah, so that's what he had been doing?

"O-oh... Haha, I'm fine. I was just thinking about something. I'm sorry if I bothered you, little lady." He smiled and patted the little girl's head. "What's your na-... Ack!"

He felt something powdery being thrown at his face, so he immediately withdrew his hands to his eyes. Some of the powdery stuff had got into his mouth, nose, and eyes, resulting in Gintoki sputtering and frantically wiping his eyes.

"Run away, Haruna-chan! This guy is a bad guy!"

Only when his eyes got slightly more accommodating to see did Gintoki finally see the two little boys currently standing on either side of the little girl, looking hostile. One had light-colored hair, while the other one's hair is darker. He looked at his own hands and found sands on them. The kids had to have obtained them from the nearby playground, Gintoki thought.

"W-why are you throwing sands at me?" He sputtered, feeling his eyes sting and burn and get all teary because of the sudden assault.

The dark-haired boy gasped, "See? He even got red eyes! His hair is white and his eyes are red! He's definitely a demon!"

The boy then swung a club and hit Gintoki's arm, making him yelp in pain. Great, so this kid's got a club too, Gintoki thought bitterly. It was just a small club, more like a stick actually, but it can still leave bruises on people if you hit them hard enough.

"He must have been chanting some evil charm when he kept moving his head weirdly just now!" The light-haired boy exclaimed and then threw more sands at Gintoki.

"N-no, I'm-... S-stop it!" Gintoki was trying to block their attacks the best he could.

His plea didn't seem to work as the little boys kept on assaulting him, while the little girl had run away, looking scared. The people around him seemed to be too busy doing their own activities to notice Gintoki's predicament. Well, it probably looked like Gintoki was just playing with the kids to them. His assaulters were just little kids, so Gintoki didn't know what he should do to stop them without hurting them in return.

So they thought he's a demon? But what kind of kids would attack a demon when they see one? Didn't their parents ever tell them to just run away?

"What is happening here?"

Gintoki's heart skipped a beat when he heard the familiar smooth and silky voice. He immediately looked up and was surprised to see, through his teary vision, a man wearing a long dark coat with a pair of trousers, and a pair of equally dark-colored boots. The white, and very neat, cravat around his neck looked like it required a lot of effort with intricate hand work to put on. The elegance of the white cravat was however contrasted by the black eye patch with a skull motif on it, covering the man's left eye. On his right cheek, there was a marker-drawn diagonal line which probably was supposed to look like a scar. Gintoki wiped his eyes in an attempt to confirm what he saw. Overall, the man looked like a.. pirate?

"K-katsura-.. san?" Gintoki hesitated.

The get-up got Gintoki hesitating, but the long silky black hair, the porcelain white skin, the one visible brownish emerald orb, and the silky smooth voice... There's no mistake, the man was definitely Katsura-san.

"It's not Katsura-san," the man deadpanned, "It's Captain Katsura."

Gintoki spent the next couple of seconds blinking and staring dumbly at the man in front of him. The first time Gintoki had seen him, the man had been a cabaret club promoter, and the next time a monk, and now he's a pirate captain? Indeed, Gintoki had been told that Katsura-san did various kinds of job, but did the man really possess such a wide range of skills and qualifications to switch jobs between a promoter, a monk, and a pirate captain whenever necessary? That's really amazing... if not bizarre. But then again, it's also possible that the man had just got back from a cosplay party or something. Just because someone dressed like a pirate didn't necessarily mean that they're a real pirate, after all.

He then realized that the kids had stopped their assaults and was gawking at the newcomer as well.

"You haven't answered my question," The long-haired man finally said, breaking the silence. "What is happening here?"

That seemed to remind the little boys of their on-going task and proceeded to continue their temporarily halted assault on Gintoki.

"Demon! Go away, white-haired demon!"

"I-I'm telling you, I'm not a demon!" Gintoki shielded his eyes from the light-haired kid's sands attack with his left hand and grabbed the dark-haired kid's stick with his right hand. The kid let go of the stick and proceeded to kick his shin and hit his arm with his bare hands instead. "Ack!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, kids." Katsura-san said nonchalantly, but firm and loud enough for them to hear.

The kids stopped upon hearing those words. The light-haired kid had his hand stop midway in the air with a handful of sands in it, while the dark-haired one had somehow managed to climb on the bench and had grabbed a handful of Gintoki's hair in his fist.

Seeing that he had gotten the little boys' attention, Katsura-san continued, "Or you'll end up like me and my friend over here."

Only then did Gintoki notice the enormous white duck-penguin mutant standing behind Katsura-san.

"[ Hello! ]" read the writing on Elizabeth-san's board.

The kids gasped loudly and cowered away from Katsura-san and his so-called pet. The dark-haired kid let go of Gintoki's hair, and Gintoki used the opportunity to massage his scalp and wipe the sands off his face.

"W-what happened t-to you two?" The light-haired kid stuttered.

Katsura-san sighed and his expression turned grim, "A long, long time ago, we were just two normal young boys. But we made a mistake by bullying an innocent man..." He dramatically shook his head and continued, "We also thought that he was a demon, but he actually was not. That made God angry, and He cursed us!"

"C-cursed?" The dark-haired kid had gone down from the bench and stuck close to his light-haired friend.

"Yes." Katsura-san gestured to Elizabeth-san, "He was once a normal human, but he was cursed and turned into this creature. He even lost his ability to speak..."

The white duck-penguin raised his board, "[ It's true! ]"

The boys visibly flinched in horror at Elizabeth-san's every move.

"T-then, what about you?" The dark-haired boy asked Katsura-san.

The long-haired man sighed sadly, "I… Now I have to wear this eye patch all the time, because…" The man purposefully paused in what Gintoki supposed an attempt at creating a dramatic effect. "My left eye will shoot laser beam and destroy everything in front of me if I don't cover it!"

Silence ensued. Gintoki held his breath and waited for the kids' reaction. Would they believe Katsura-san's words?

"What?" The light-haired boy finally questioned, looking incredulous.

"You don't believe me?" Katsura-san looked offended, "If that's so…" The man then walked closer and bowed down, hovering just above the two little boys, touching his eye patch with his fingers teasingly, "Shall I open this eye patch so my laser beam would turn the both of you into smithereens?" He said in a low, threatening voice.

"Aaaarrrgghh…!" The little boys shrieked and promptly fled.

Gintoki let out a sigh of relief once the kids were out of sight. Thank God they're finally gone, pretty much unharmed. Katsura-san straightened up and turned to Gintoki, reaching his hand to grip Gintoki's upper arm, urging him to get up.

"Come, we need to wash the sands off your eyes immediately."

The raven-haired man guided him to the nearest water faucet. He was grateful for it because his eyes were such teary mess and his vision was blurry, so he would be having a hard time trying to locate the faucet on his own.

Gintoki bowed down to wash his eyes and felt the stinging sensations gradually eased up. While he continued washing his face and neck, Gintoki felt Katsura-san's hand on his shoulders, brushing the sands off them. The hand then brushed its way up to his nape, and even further up to his hair. Gintoki felt the slim fingers on his scalp, threading his hair, ruffling it, trying to brush off the sands the best they could.

Gintoki found himself washing his face just a little bit longer.

"I thought we're supposed to throw salts at demons." He heard Katsura-san remarked. "Do sands actually work too?"

Gintoki finally turn the faucet off and straightened up, feeling the other man's hand leaving his hair. "Those kids seemed to think they do." He wiped some of the water droplets on his face with the back of his hand and gave a small smile, "Or probably sands just happened to be the only powdery substance they could find at the playground."

He then watched as the other man untied the cravat around his neck and then handed it to Gintoki, "Here. Use this to wipe the water off your face."

"N-no, no… It's fine." Gintoki refused the offer. How could he use the very white and the very neat cravat which looked so very nice around Katsura-san's neck, to wipe his face?

"Do you have a handkerchief or a towel with you?" His childhood friend asked.

"Well, no, but-…" Gintoki shook his head.

"Then use this." The other man insisted. His tone sounded final.

Gintoki finally accepted the offer, albeit reluctantly. "Okay…"

He carefully wiped his face with the cravat. It had to have been freshly washed, because it smelled really nice. He felt guilty for using such a fine piece of fabric to clean his face.

He then felt the other man's gaze on him and looked up to find Katsura-san observing him.

"Your eyes got so red. As I thought, you've got eye irritation." Katsura-san frowned slightly. "Sit down and wait, I'll go get you some eye drops."

The long-haired man then turned to leave, but Gintoki quickly stopped him.

"No, wait! I'm fine." Gintoki said urgently. "Don't leave. You promised you'll explain about what happened yesterday. So, let's talk."

"We'll talk after we get your eyes properly treated." His childhood friend replied sternly.

"My eyes are fine. The redness is just an aftereffect, it'll go away soon." Gintoki replied just as firmly. "Please, let's just talk."

A few moments passed in silence. And after a few more moments passed without any response from the raven-haired man, Gintoki started to think that maybe he was being too forceful and was about to apologize when Katsura-san finally responded.

The man sighed resignedly, "Fine."

"[ I'll leave the two of you to talk, then. ]" Gintoki almost jumped in surprise reading the writing on Elizabeth-san's board. Up until that moment, he had forgotten that Elizabeth-san had been there with them all along, too. The white duck-penguin raised the board once more, "[ I'll see you later, Katsura-san. ]"

Katsura-san nodded and his pet, but more like his companion in Gintoki's opinion, promptly left, leaving the two of them alone.

The sun was low on the horizon, now. Gintoki noticed that the park had grown quieter. Most people who had been there earlier had gone home, or had gone somewhere else.

Gintoki cleared his throat and started, "So…"

"Gintoki," Katsura-san cut him off. The man was staring at the clear sky. "The weather is so pleasant today, don't you think?"

"Huh?" He was caught off guard by the out-of-the-blue remark about the weather. "Um, yeah, it is…"

"I want to go for a walk around town." Katsura-san then turned his gaze towards Gintoki and gave him a small smile. "Would you care to join me?"

By the time he heard the invitation from the other man, Gintoki had completely forgotten about all the time he had spent mulling over the negative speculations concerning the other man earlier that day. The thought of Katsura-san being a cold-blooded serial killer was definitely the farthest thing from his mind at this moment.

"Sure…"

(***)

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**Author Notes:**

Hello guys!

I just checked this story's stats and was pleasantly surprised to see that this story got a lot of hits. So it makes me think that there are actually a lot of people who are interested in reading a GinZura story, or just a story with Gintoki and Zura in it. At least they're interested enough to take a peek at my story and then:

(1) They liked it and they let me know about it,

or

(2) They liked it but were too shy, just plain unwilling, or didn't know what to say to let me know about it,

or

(3) They didn't like it and immediately fled without saying anything. LOL.

So, if you happen to read this and you're a GinZura shipper like me, tell me about what makes you ship GinZura, when you have the time. We may love the same thing but we may have different reasons for loving it, after all.

I'd love to hear from my fellow GinZura shippers and readers. I'm always under the impression that GinZura ship is such a tiny ship (despite how blatantly obvious Gintoki and Zura's bond is), which is sad…

And as always, to all the people who fit into category (1) who support me by leaving encouraging reviews, following, and/or putting my story to your favorites, thank you!


	5. AN

**Author Notes:**

**Please take a moment to read this.**

(***)

First of all, I'm sorry for not updating for a long time. I have reasons for that.

This is what happened. I've got the whole story planned out since the beginning and I've drafted out the plot in details. I've even had written most of the next chapter and was ready to post it months ago. However, the recent Gintama (canon) arcs/chapters kind of _**jossed**_ some plot points in my story.

Don't get me wrong, the recent canon arcs are great, especially because now we know a little bit more about our boys' past. We finally even get to see some GinZura moments going on (well, they're GinZura moments for a GinZura shipper like me, at least), but if you're also a writer, you'd understand how this can be pretty frustrating (your story getting jossed, that is). I've planned out the settings, the plot details, the character developments, the complications, even the resolution/ending, but then suddenly the canon story went all, _"Haha, nope! Your fic is invalid, dude. Sorry."_

So, does that make me give up on writing this story? Well, the answer is _**no**_. I've said before that as long as I know that there are people out there who still want to read my story, I'll try my best to continue on writing it. And some of you had been so kind to leave such encouraging messages/reviews, giving me one more reason, adding to the others I already have, to keep on writing this story.

The thing is, I'm the kind of writer who thinks it is important to make your story in sync with the canon story. I want my story to be as close as possible to the canon one. This would be jeopardized if I'd gone and just post the continuation of this story without making some changes first. That's why, I have to make some changes to my already drafted out story (read: _rewrite it_), especially for future chapters because they're the ones which got jossed. Well, I'm less than pleased to do it because I actually like how my original plot for this story goes. But still, I feel like I have to make the changes first no matter what.

Also, something significant happened in my life and suddenly I become a busy person. I barely have time for online activities (well ok, even less than before). If you also know me on Tumblr, you'd probably notice how I haven't updated my blog in a long time, too.

Actually, I don't want to post an update consisting of only Author Notes like this, but I've got a lot of messages from you readers asking about this story, so I feel like I should at least let you know that this story is _**not abandoned**_.

Anyway, I hope to see you on the next real update of this story. I can't promise it will be anytime soon because of the reasons I've mentioned before, but hopefully you're still interested in reading it by then. And because the Gintama Anime has finally returned (_OMG, yayyy finallyyyy!_), I feel even more motivated because the fandom is back to business now.

(***)

Oh, and to _**Angeru-chan**_ who sent me a PM asking for permission to translate this story into Portuguese: I feel honored and flattered knowing you're interested in translating my story, but I cannot give you the permission now because the story is still unfinished. If this story ever gets translated to other languages, I'd rather it happens after the story is properly completed. I hope you understand, and thanks for your kind words.

(***)

As always, thank you so much for your kind support!


	6. Chapter 4

.

**CHAPTER IV**

(***)

The two of them walked quietly side by side, exiting the park. When Katsura-san still hadn't spoken a word by the time they were out of the park entrance, Gintoki gathered the courage to start a conversation.

"I almost didn't recognize you, Katsura-san."

That, of course, was not completely true. Granted, Gintoki hadn't expected the other man to show up dressed like a pirate, but he had recognized him almost immediately even with the unusual outfit. Because really, Gintoki seriously doubted there were any other men in Edo who possessed such long and silky hair which color was even blacker than the cloudless night sky quite like Katsura-san. He had been wondering why the man had shown up dressed like that, and Gintoki hoped the topic was good enough to get the conversation going.

"Why are you dressed like that?" He continued.

Gintoki hoped his tone didn't come across as criticizing, because he certainly didn't see anything he wanted to criticize about the other man's looks. The man's current appearance looked unusual, yes, but nowhere near bad to look at.

"I mean, it looks good on you." Gintoki quickly added. "It's just that-... It's the first time I see you dressed like this. I didn't know you also dress in such attire, because so far I've only seen you in traditional attire like kimono or-..."

"You also have a set of your own." The other man cut off in a small voice.

"Yes?" Gintoki almost missed what the other man said.

"You also own one set of pirate costume, exactly like this one." His raven-haired companion elaborated, louder this time. "Or you used to, at least. I don't know if you still keep it. We bought the costumes together for-..." The man paused briefly. "For a certain occasion in the past." ***)**

"Really?" Gintoki smiled incredulously.

Now Gintoki was curious about what exactly the 'certain occasion' had been. So, he and his childhood friend even had matching clothes? Gintoki proceeded to picture the two of them going shopping for costumes together. And somehow, the thought was-... Was 'endearing' the right word for it?

"As for the reason," Katsura-san continued. "I told you before, didn't I? You and I shouldn't be spotted together. In case the guys from yesterday see us today, they wouldn't recognize me in this attire."

So the get-up was supposed to be a disguise then, Gintoki concluded. Gintoki personally wasn't completely sure whether it's effective, but the other man seemed to be really confident about it, so he probably shouldn't question it.

More importantly, Gintoki was glad that the conversation had finally touched the topic about what had happened yesterday. He had been wanting, almost desperately so, to just straightforwardly demand an explanation from the other man, but realized that it might not be the wisest thing to do. So, it's fortunate that his question about Katsura-san's outfit had eventually led to that topic.

"Katsura-san," Gintoki started. "Could you start explaining about what happened yesterday now, or are we heading somewhere first?"

The long-haired samurai-disguised-as-pirate had only stated that he wanted to go for a walk around town. So, Gintoki didn't know whether the man actually had a certain destination in mind.

Katsura-san just kept quiet for the longest of time. At least Gintoki felt like it was a very long time. He started to think that probably the man hadn't heard what Gintoki had said. He waited, watching the other man just staring off ahead, to nothing in particular, to the horizon perhaps. And then Katsura-san sighed and took off his eye patch.

"Gintoki," The man didn't turn his gaze to Gintoki when he finally started talking, keeping his gaze far ahead of him. "Are you sure about this?"

Gintoki blinked, confused. "About what?"

The other man finally turned his gaze to look at Gintoki. They just silently looked at each other before Katsura-san eventually broke the eye contact.

"Actually, Gintoki." The slightly smaller man began. "Since what happened yesterday, I've been thinking... really hard. All night last night, and throughout today too."

Well, Katsura-san's certainly not the only one, Gintoki thought. But he remained silent, waiting the man to continue.

"I've been deliberating about the things I should tell you, how much I should tell you, and how much I should just keep to myself." He paused. "And then I realized that the decision is not mine. It's yours."

"Well, of course I want to know everythi-"

"Think carefully." Katsura-san cut Gintoki's reply, looking and sounding very stern. "You clearly told me that you want to leave your past behind, even going so far as disbanding the Yorozuya. I'll have you know beforehand, this matter we're going to talk about, it doesn't only concern me, but also you. You probably wouldn't want to know about it if you seriously want to leave your past completely. Ignorance can be a bliss sometimes. So please, Gintoki, think about it. Reconsider. I don't want to tell you anything you don't need to know. Considering your current state, I don't want this matter to add to the burden you already have in your mind."

Gintoki almost halted in his track. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the ground, letting the words sink in. It's true he had decided not to want anything to do with his past anymore. But he sort of, kind of, changed his mind. Katsura-san made him want to know about his past self, about some other side of him, the one that most people probably overlooked. Besides, he wanted to know more about his newfound childhood friend.

"Actually, Katsura-san, I..." Gintoki hesitated whether to tell him just that. "I still want to know." he finally said instead, trying to sound resolute.

Katsura-san eyed him carefully, probably trying to find any form of hesitation he might have, and Gintoki wasn't sure whether he was supposed to hide it, if he could at all.

"I've warned you. And I should." The other man finally sighed. "If that's your answer, then I can only hope you'll take it well..."

As Katsura-san proceeded to tell him the story behind what had happened yesterday in quiet and careful words, Gintoki felt like he was listening to someone else's fairytale, or perhaps chronicle. Sometimes, here and there during his speech, Katsura-san's voice would turn even more delicate and he would flicker his glance to Gintoki, as if he was making sure that Gintoki was okay and that he could continue on with his story. And only at those moments did Gintoki realize that the story was actually about Gintoki himself, because throughout it all, he continually drifted in and out of that realization.

The other man told him about the Joui war, about how the both of them had taken part in it, along with some other people (Katsura-san mentioned some guys named Takasugi and Sakamoto), and how they had somehow managed to get themselves reputation big enough for the government to notice, before they sort of 'disbanded'. Katsura-san also told him about the guys from yesterday, who apparently were part of the government's special police force, and consequently, about why they were so keen on putting Katsura-san behind the bars.

"They're only targeting me for now, but they seem to begin connecting dots and trying to find something solid enough to rope you in, too." He finally concluded. "I wouldn't have to worry about you when you're... when you're your usual self. But because right now you're not your usual self, I thought I should at least tell you to be careful."

Gintoki just kept quiet because he honestly couldn't bring himself to utter anything, for the lack of words to say, or for different reasons he wasn't sure what.

Beside him, Katsura-san folded his arms tightly around himself.

"As I thought, it's probably not too wise to tell you all this. I was worried you're not ready to learn about it, yet." The man lowered his gaze. "But it seemed like you really wanted to know. And Gintoki, as much as I want to keep it from you, you have all the right to know about it. I just hope what I told you is not more than necessary." He then carefully looked at Gintoki. "Are you... okay?"

"I-..." Gintoki croaked. He didn't realize how dry his throat had become. "Yes... No." He cleared his throat. "I mean, I guess I need time to process all this. Right now, I feel so..." He tried to find the right word to describe what he's feeling right now. "Overwhelmed."

The other man just nodded sympathetically. "I understand."

They continued walking in silence as Gintoki tried to cope with what he's currently feeling. Imagine one day you woke up and then suddenly be told that you're actually a big name war hero, or war criminal, depending on which side you're seeing it from. How are you even supposed to deal with something like that?

"But you don't have to worry about it too much, Gintoki." After the long silence, Katsura-san started speaking softly, as if he was afraid he would disturb Gintoki in his vulnerable state. "You left a long, long time ago. You haven't done any Joui-related activities since then. And I already told you yesterday, your being amnesic is convenient when it comes to this matter. Just now, I only told you what I think you need to know. Please understand that at least for now, the less you know, the less likely you'd bring trouble to yourself."

Yes, he finally understood now, about the reason why Katsura-san had seemed so keen on not telling Gintoki anything. Gintoki just nodded in response, silently thanking the other man, for finally telling him what he had demanded to know, or for being considerate about Gintoki's well-being while doing so. Or maybe both.

What the other man had just said actually reminded him of the question which had been hanging in the back of his mind. The question had first come to him some time towards the end of Katsura-san's account about the war.

"Katsura-san, may I ask you something?" He started, to which the other man responded with a nod. "You didn't say anything about the reason, so I was wondering..." He paused. "Why did I leave?"

The long-haired man didn't say anything for a while, and when Gintoki turned to look at him, he was surprised to see the man's eyes and overall feature looking so... sad.

"That's..." Gintoki noticed how the man refused to meet his eyes while answering. "You're probably the only one who knows the answer to that. You just… left." The man cast his gaze downward. "But everyone left... Sakamoto left. Takasugi left. Maybe I should've seen it coming that you would, too..."

The man wrapped his arms tighter around himself and finally lifted his gaze, and then continued. "But I-... There were still few people who still wanted to fight, still wanted to hope..." The man looked so vulnerable, so fragile, like you could break him if you so much as just touch him. "Someone had to stay for them." He finally said. "Someone had to stay."

The words were repeated as if the man was trying to assure himself.

Gintoki felt his eyes sting. He could easily blame it on the encounter with the kids at the park earlier that day. The sands indeed got to his eyes. Unfortunately, he couldn't put the blame on that for the lump he felt in his throat, nor for the painful pang he felt in his chest.

He barely managed to swallow back the apology which came surging within with the inexplicable feeling of guilt he felt washing all over him, threatening to come bursting out of his mouth, as he decided to just stay silent.

(***)

* * *

_***)** For those of you who don't know or forget, you can watch Gintoki and Zura wearing the same pirate outfits in Gintama anime episode 13. It's a cute episode full of GinZura moments, so go watch it, or re-watch it._

* * *

**Author Notes:**

This one is dedicated to everyone who's still devoutly, patiently or impatiently, waiting for an update. If there's still anyone at all? :)

I'm still working on revising some plot points for the rest of this story. Slowly, yes I know, but surely. I wanted to post this chapter as soon as possible so you would know for sure that _"Hey, the story really is still on! The author hasn't abandoned it!"_

Everyone who had taken the time to leave reviews, I have to let you know that you motivate me to continue writing, so thanks a lot! I love reading your reviews and I think they all have been kind so far, so I'm grateful. Hope to see you guys on the next chapter.


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